Costco's Store Brand & Shakespeare 400
by elfqueen13
Summary: A multi-plot bunny fic tackling the fact of an unfortunate coincidence, a birthday party for England, and said nation on Shakespeare. Happy Birthday England! And a Happy Shakespeare 400! Written for April 23rd, 2016.
The drop-off of England's vehement attempts to convince everyone that her cooking was fine never really puzzled anyone. They all thought she'd finally faced the music and that she only kept coming to reassure herself. However, they were very, VERY wrong. It all started one day, several years ago. . .

"What's this? A new American store chain needs a title for it's store brand?" England questioned mostly to herself as she sipped her tea, glancing over the leaflet she held. "Hmmm, it says here that they're holding a contest. The person whose food wins will get to choose the name and have their product featured."

(AN: I know that this isn't how it happened, and am proud of the fact that Costco is Canadian. However, this was the original, most amusing way I pictured it. Canada wouldn't have the reaction to the upcoming news that America will. Please, enjoy!)

"What was that you said Minty?" the eyebrowed mage asked of her friend (who is perfectly real, thank you very much). "You think I should enter?" She was silent for a moment as Flying Mint Bunny responded. "Well, I suppose I could. You know, this just might be my chance. . ."

*I am a line break*

*Several days later*

"IGGYYYYY!"

"Oh, bollocks. Just wonderful," England muttered. Going to the door, she unlocked it and reluctantly let America in. "What the bloody hell do you want?"

"How could you Ally?" Alfred cried pathetically, suddenly hanging off her shoulder.

"How could I what?" the Englishwoman asked, confused. Making her way to the couch, she dumped America into a seat and settled into her favorite armchair.

"Costco!" he wailed.

"Oh, that," she brushed off. "Did you like the scones I made for the judging?"

"That's the thing! They're GOOD. When did you. . . ?" The American had apparently calmed down enough for them to actually get somewhere with the conversation.

"Well you see Alfred, I've always been able to cook like that. This was just my chance to prove it to all you idiots who couldn't tell."

"Oh."

And so, the personification of the United States of America accepted the fact that Costco's absolutely delicious store brand was now named Kirkland's, after one of the worst cooks he (thought he) knew.

(AN: Seriously, I can't go to Costco without thinking about this! How do people not realize it?!)

*I am a line break*

*Today*

"Well, that should do it," America said to himself, setting out the last item of food for the birthday party he was helping to throw for England. It was actually at her own house; the countries involved had conspired and arranged for her to spend the morning with her siblings. He was (mostly) in charge of food, and if he had to say so himself, he'd done quite well.

"Hey Al," Canada said, poking her head into view. "You done here?"

"Yep, just finished. Iggy's gonna be sooo surprised," he chuckled. "Especially with what we have planned later. You guys get the decorations up?"

"Of course we did! They look awesome, and how couldn't they with me helping?" came Prussia's voice as he waltzed in and threw his arm around Canada's shoulders.

France then rushed through the room and into the kitchen, apron ties flapping behind him as he dashed to take his desserts out of the oven and off the stove. "They're back!" the Frenchman cried as he hurried back in, setting his food on the table that was already groaning under the weight of the virtual feast they'd prepared.

Other countries poured into the room, all of them friends, family, and/or former allies (with the capital H and without) of England: the rest of FACE, Norway and Romania to complete the Magic Trio, and her former colonies, to name a few.

England walked in the front door, shadowed by Scotland, Wales, North Ireland, South Ireland, and Sealand.

"SURPRISE!"

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "How lovely. Thank you!"

As they all moved to take their food, an unnamed country let out a shriek at the sight of the packages.

"What?" America asked. "What's the matter?"

"The company that made the food," they gasped. "Kirkland!"

*I am a line break*

At the end of the day, the countries who had celebrated with England were weary but happy. They had been dragged all over by the Shakespeare-obsessed nation to a plethora of events that were part of the Shakespeare 400 festivities. As she said goodnight to them and saw them out the door, England cried out,

"Fare thee well, gentle gentlemen! Good e'en to your worships! Adieu, adieu, adieu!"

AN: And cut! Thank you so much for reading, now an explanation for you all!

Here I threw together my plot bunnies by the names of of "Alice Kirkland and Costco's Kirkland's", "Birthday Party for Iggy", and "England and Shakespeare 400", as well as my wish to write something, both as a birthday fic for England and my rather meagre contribution to the monumental occurrence that is the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare's death.

Please, accept this modest offering! (Also, feel free to drop a review!)


End file.
